Ok, this is a short blog. 

It will be brief(s).

Bad joke, I get that.

But this is a serious topic. 

I am in Tianjin city, which is approximately 150km from Beijing, and I am out and about, so the pressure is on to do a wee (I know, another bad joke) blog and give you some insight into my trip.

Remember, I have to blog every day this year, that’s my goal and I will prevail. When I do, I will be flush with riches. No?

Ok. Toilets then.

So here goes… 

Toilets, in China they are of mixed standard and in the city, they are usually of an excellent standard, no complaints from me.

I am still not able to do the squatting toilet, but that is a cultural thing.

It is also a knee joint thing. 

My knees would lockout and I would fall inside the damn hole. That would not be a pretty sight and for sure as heck, it would not be a f*cking great experience either.

This scene does not bear thinking about.

Eek.

What this blog is about is my new experience of a Japanese toilet. 

A blissful ride if ever there was one.

A high class, top of the range, excellent Japanese toilet.

This is a beast of a toilet that will do everything for you, well, almost everything. You have to do the toilet part yourself. 

But it will give you a wee wash and blow-dry after the event, and it has variable speeds. When you first walk towards the said toilet, it gives you a welcome smile by raising the lid automatically and the lights go on. A missed opportunity is that it doesn’t play music at that point. Maybe this is an upgrade choice right enough. Who knows.

Now, this is a great toilet and it is a pleasure that goes beyond words. If this was a toilet in the western world, I am sure that every man would be even longer in the bathroom. 

I don’t mean that in a creepy way. I mean this in a ‘how f*cking gooood is a heated toilet seat’ kind of way.

But laugh, I nearly… (Derek and Clive?)

One thing that made me think a bit harder on this subject and in the end up, I ‘pi**ed’ myself laughing because of the absurdity of it.

This one thing that made me laugh so much was that you could aim the water directly using your fingertip controls.

There is a remote control and it has a button for directing the spray. So funny and also so much fun, but…

I mean, for me, that sums much of life up. People want a remote control to do everything for them instead of the most prominent and rewarding thing to do, which is…

Just move your ar*e!

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